Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Worst Fear Becomes Reality

I’ve been debating writing this post for months and finally decided just to pour it all out. So just to warn you, it’s a little long. Not many people read this blog and some already know what’s going on. I want to do this so I remember everything and can one day look back at this time in our marriage.

As you all know, we got married April 30, 2011. We left for our honeymoon the Monday after our wedding and decided while we were on it that I would stop taking my birth control and see what happens. Just old fashion baby making, no charting or ovulation tests. I also started taking prenatal vitamins this month (May).

In July I started charting and we actually started trying during my “fertile days.”  a month after doing that with no success, I ordered ovulation strips I had seen on someone’s blog. Started using the ovulation strips AND charting back in August. I wasn’t TOO concerned yet because I had read that it can take a few months to get pregnant after being on birth control.

By October I was stressed/scared/nervous /sad. Having a baby is all I have wanted my entire life and here I am 5 months into trying and not having any luck. My sisters and Derek’s sister can look at a guy and get pregnant so I assumed the same would go for me. I knew it was early to be concerned since they say you should try for a year but I talked Derek into going with me to see a fertility specialist. I just wanted to make sure something wasn’t wrong and if something was, I wanted to start the next step.

I had an appointment in December and I got a phone call one afternoon from the clinic saying I had missed my appointment that morning. I broke down and started bawling! This appt had taken us a month to get into and I had it marked down for the next day. I was sssooo mad at myself and them! They don’t call to remind people of their appts, they send out letters.  We had recently moved and hadn’t gotten our mail with our reminder letter. Who sends out letters nowadays?! So I called Derek bawling and he said he would do everything he could to get us a new appt ASAP. He called later that day with a new appointment at a different place. LIFE SAVER!

So in December we met with a fertility specialist and found out everything looks great for both me and Derek. Our insurance doesn’t cover these appts so we have had to pay a pretty penny but it’s all worth it to us. There is a test to make sure my fallopian tubes aren’t blocked but that’s $1200 so we’re holding off on that for now. We were given a prescription for Clomid and we are going to try that for a couple months before deciding our next step.

I didn’t write this to complain and for people to feel sorry for us, I just wanted to let it all out. This is something we so badly want and we just pray that everything will work out. I know god has a plan and I try not to beat myself up about why I’m not getting pregnant because I know everything happens for a reason and it’s not in our hands. Please pray for us and I am open to any suggestions/recommendations!

meds

What it looks like under my sink

13 comments:

  1. Joe and I tried for about a year before getting pregnant the first time and then miscarried and I cried for a month b/c I thought I was never going to be able to have a baby, then we somehow go pregnant the same month we were able to start trying again and now we have our Aspen! I know how you're feeling, been there and done that - try to stay positive. It's worth the wait when that baby does come! :)

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  2. Sending prayers your way! My sister was married in June and has been off the pill since about May as well with no baby yet. They haven't been too aggressive about making it happen but they are not preventing it either. It was really hard for me to break the news of our unexpected 3rd when she is the one who was actually expecting to get pregnant. Back to my point, thinking of you and blowing baby dust your way ;)

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  3. Love you baby sis!! You and Derek will be AmAZING parents one day and god does have a plan for you guys!Just like Kristy said, it's WORTH the wait. Like I always tell you... TRY not to stress about it and just let life take its course. xoxo

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  4. Oh you made me cry!! I love you. It WILL happen, and when it does that baby will be so special and loved to pieces!! Love you baby sister!

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  5. I'm so encouraged when other women share their conceiving struggles! We (women) need to hear our stories so that it isn't a taboo subject and that we need each others support. So, you have it. You don't know me, but I tried clomid and every other fertility drug that was FDA approved...and some things that weren't. The hormones can be tough. When I was on clomid I slept in a sports bra and boxer shorts because of the hot flashes. Just a little tip from me to you! :) Again, thanks for being vulnerable and sharing. feel free to email me if you need a strangers support. :) Our sweet CeCe is an IVF blessing. :)-brooke (binreallife.com)

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  6. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your encouraging comments!! It's good to hear success stories from other people who had a hard time conceiving. And Brooke, good idea on the sports bra and shorts. I wake up kicking all the covers off and sweating bullets! Thanks so much girls!

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  7. Oh Sarah, you are such a sweetheart! You remind me of me sometimes. I too always wanted to be a mom and I was ever so impatient for it to happen. Do you think it has something to do with being the youngest of a big family?;) I know the good Lord has a plan for you guys and maybe when you least expect it, it will happen. Remember, "A watched pot never boils" but oh honey, do I know how hard it is to let go and relax. I'll be praying for you and your hubby. I don't doubt you will be the best mom out there! Hugs to you!:)

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  8. Also, you should try taking primrose oil. I was taking it when I got pregnant with Oliver and Myla. Look it up, I would explain but it is a little tmi. :)

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  9. Thanks so much Missy. I looked up primrose and I think I'll give it a shot. I'm up for trying whatever and if it worked for you, maybe it will work for me!

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  10. made me cry too... Love you & am praying for you guys!!

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  11. Good luck with your journey. It is a hard road. We have been trying for 2 1/2 years. and FYI...if you ever do get an HSG to see if you tubes are blocked be prepared. Everyone told me it was no big deal, but I felt like someone was knocking the breath out of me during the procedure.

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  12. HI :) I found you from Kelly's Korner. You sound exactly like me! Our journeys sound so similar. I am on my 3rd month of clomid and just waiting for my first appointment with an RE. I had the HSG done in December and I will say that I couldn't even tell they were doing anything! I was prepared for the worst (as you should be) but was pleasantly surprised...although I am not sure why I just used the word pleasant when talking about OBGYN! I wish you the best of luck!

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  13. Hi there! I found you through Kelly's Korner. Our journey's are also very similiar. I haven't started the Clomid yet. We're going to do the HSG first after our vacation this summer, maybe around July or August. Then give it a few more months before giving it a go. I'll send prayers your way though! Best of luck!!

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